Women's Natural Wellness

Stop the Urgency at the Source. Naturally.

I stole from my 91-year-old mother before my first date in eleven years. One of her pull-ups. I had brought her groceries that afternoon. While she argued with the television in the living room, I opened the cabinet under her bathroom sink and slipped one into my purse. I put them in that cabinet myself. Since Mom fell last winter, I buy her groceries and do the laundry she can't carry down the basement steps. She still lives in her own house and gets mad when I move anything in the kitchen. The pull-ups are for nights when she can't get out of bed fast enough. She calls them her nighttime underwear. I call them diapers in my head, although I'd never say that to her. I was 64, and I was about to wear one to dinner. My husband, George, died eleven years ago. For a long time, dating wasn't something I missed. Then I joined a walking group on Saturdays and met Frank. He was easy to talk to. He remembered that I took my coffee with milk, which is a small thing, but I noticed. When he asked me to dinner, I said I had plans. The next week I said I had to check on Mom. Both times I went straight home. The third time, I said yes. I spent most of the week looking forward to it, right up until I pictured sitting across from him for two hours with no easy way to leave. I had been leaking for three years. At first, it was a little when I laughed or picked up something heavy. I bought thin pads and kept them in the bathroom drawer. The sudden urges came later. I could be fine on the walk until we got back to the parking lot. Then I'd have to hurry to the visitor center, even if I'd used the bathroom before we set out. I stopped staying for coffee with the group. Frank thought I had to get home to Mom. I let him think that. At night, I got up two or three times. Some mornings I was tired before I'd done anything. On a bad day, the pad would be damp by lunchtime, and I couldn't tell if the smell I caught was coming from me. I kept clean underwear in my purse. Once, at the library, I thought the woman next to me moved to another chair because she could smell urine. She might have wanted to sit by the window. I left anyway. Two days before dinner, I went to CVS for something thicker than my usual pads. I found a pack that looked right, but I couldn't make myself take it to the register. I put it back and went home. On the night of the date, I wore loose black pants and a long sweater. Mom's pull-up felt thick when I sat down in the car. I drove to the restaurant anyway. When I got out, I checked the seat. Then I lifted the bottom of my sweater to my nose before I went inside. Frank had picked a little Italian place. I saw him by the window, then looked around for the bathroom before going over. He stood when I reached the table, then almost knocked over his water trying to sit back down. That helped. We talked about the walking group, his granddaughter, and the basil plants he kept killing. I used the bathroom before we ordered. By the time the food came, I needed to go again. Back at the table, I took a few sips of water and left the rest. There was still the drive home. Frank asked if I wanted to split dessert. I did, but I told him I had to get back to Mom. She was home eating leftovers and watching a baseball game. She didn't need me that night. Outside, Frank said, "I had a good time. Would you want to do this again?" "I would," I said. At home, I took off Mom's pull-up. It was dry. I wrapped it in a grocery bag and pushed it to the bottom of the trash. Then I sat on the edge of my bed in my dinner clothes. I'd spent most of the night wondering if Frank could see it under my pants, or smell something I couldn't. The next morning, Frank texted about a concert in the park. I pictured standing in line for the portable toilets while he waited for me. “That sounds nice, but I can’t make it. See you Saturday?” I wrote. “See you then,” he wrote back. I didn’t have plans that night." On Monday, I called a women's health clinic. For months, I'd been doing the exercises my doctor gave me, usually while brushing my teeth or waiting at a red light. I wasn't sure I was even using the right muscles. I'd tried the pumpkin seed pills a woman from the walking group recommended, too. I finished the bottle without noticing much. The first appointment was two weeks away. I took it. I saw Frank on both Saturday walks while I waited. He didn't mention the concert. After each walk, I went to the visitor center bathroom while he went with the others for coffee. At the appointment, Marian, the nurse practitioner, asked when it bothered me most. I told her about the Saturday walks and the rush to the visitor center afterward. She asked if I leaked when I laughed, too, and how often I got up at night. When she asked what I wore for leaks, I told her about the pads and the pull-up. They checked my urine, and she did an exam. “Your skin looks sore,” she said. I’d been using scented wipes whenever I changed a pad. I thought they might help with the smell. She told me to stop using them for a while. She asked when my periods had stopped. It had been about twelve years. Marian explained that estrogen helps keep the soft tissue around the tube you pee through moist and thick enough to close well. After menopause, that tissue can get thinner and drier. A cough or hard laugh can then be enough to cause a leak. The rush to the bathroom was different. Marian said my bladder could start squeezing before it was full. That was why I sometimes ran there and barely peed. “I’ve been doing Kegels for months,” I said. “They can help,” she said. “But we need to look at the tissue changes and those sudden urges, too.” We talked about treatment for the tissue changes. She also asked me to keep a record for a few days: what I drank, when I went, and when the urges came. Before we finished, she asked what else I’d tried. I told her about the pumpkin seed pills. “Did you notice any difference?” “Not really. I finished the bottle.” “I’d take a look at Elavie,” she said. “I’ll put the link in your notes.” At home, I opened the link Marian had sent. Elavie had pumpkin seed, hyaluronic acid, soy germ, and magnesium. I looked up the names I didn’t know. The body uses hyaluronic acid to help tissue hold moisture. After what she’d told me about the tissue getting drier, I spent a while reading that part. I ordered a bottle that evening. It arrived a few days later. I put it near the coffee maker and took it with breakfast and dinner. I also kept the record Marian had asked for and stopped using the scented wipes. For the first two weeks, I kept waking up at night and using the bathroom before every walk. Once, I barely made it there after getting out of the car. One night I only got up once, but I was up three times the next. A few days later, I slept until the alarm. Over the next couple of weeks, I had more nights like that. After one of our Saturday walks, I went for coffee with Frank and the others. He told me his basil plant was still alive. I asked what he’d done differently. He’d stopped watering it every day. We sat there talking until the others started getting up to leave. Before we went, I asked if he still wanted to take me to a concert sometime. “I’d like that,” he said. “Let me see what’s on.” We went the following weekend. I wore my own underwear with a pad and put a spare in my purse. Before the music started, I used one of the portable toilets, then went back to our chairs. When the band came back for another song, Frank asked if I wanted to stay. I said yes. Some days I still need to hurry. I take Elavie with breakfast and dinner. But I’m looking forward to seeing Frank now instead of worrying all week about getting through dinner. I never told Mom about the pull-up. Last month, when I brought her a new pack, she looked at the price on the receipt and told me I’d paid too much again. Here’s the Elavie page Marian put in my notes, if you want to look at it yourself: https://elaviedaily.com/pages/elavie-bladder-support-lp